Windows
by Lenore483
Summary: The story of Evan Rosier. Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition.
_This story was written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition round 1. I'm Chaser 3 for the Falmouth Falcons._

 **Prompts used:**

 **CHASER 3: Write about your chosen Death Eater being at school**

 **Additional Prompts:**

 **#3 (quote) "When you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting." – Jon Kabat-Zinn**

 **#12 (Class) Herbology**

 **#14 (word) Clock**

I chose to write about Evan Rosier who went to Hogwarts at the same time as Snape and the Marauders.

(Word count: 2934)

* * *

"When you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting." – Jon Kabat-Zinn

 _What's in a name?_

As the stream of first years entered the Great Hall, everyone already seated in the hall quieted down. All of them stared up at the enchanted ceiling in awe, but towards the front of the group, a lone first year did something else. Instead of whispering and looking up at the ceiling, he looked at the windows while looking rather bored.

The young man in question wasn't torn out of this seemingly bored disinterest-similar to the faces of some of the teachers — before the Sorting Hat announced his name.

"Evan Rosier."

The boy smiled smugly and moved with grace to the tattered old hat.

 _Time to prove my worth._

One member of a traditionally Slytherin family had already been disgraceful enough to end up in Gryffindor, but Evan was better than that.

The hat proved him right by announcing, "Slytherin!" the second it touched his head.

The smug smile still in place, he strolled over to the Slytherin table and sat himself down with the elite. They weren't hard to pick out, especially with how loud an applause they gave him as he walked over.

Once he had sat down and talked for a bit, he took to staring at the windows again. He found it interesting how they reflected what was on the inside, the bright light from the candles making the outside indistinguishable. It seemed that whatever was on the outside, it didn't matter. Only the inside did.

* * *

Herbology had become his favorite subject over the years at Hogwarts.

It reminded him of the happy times in his childhood when he would be outside with his mom, planting the roses that were his family's namesake. That was what she had told him at the time, but as he grew older, he wondered if she had just spun him a fairy tale to distract him, so he could forget what would happen when his father came home.

It was also the only place he got to talk to Marlene.

They had grown up together, but being sorted in different houses had put a strain on their relationship, especially when she started hanging out with Sirius Black. Over the years, the two were often seen together, and Evan was cast aside.

"Marlene," he said as he moved next to her. He pretended to focus on the plant in front of him, but his entire focus was on the girl that jumped a little at the sudden close proximity.

"Evan." Judging by her voice, she was calm and collected, but her shoulders stiffened and her eyes kept darting to the side. Evan followed their path and noticed Black outside the greenhouse. He stood a couple of yards away, laughing and joking with the rest of the foursome that had been dubbed 'The Marauders'. The tightening of his throat and the way his hands went dry was just because he was in the greenhouse. He closed his eyes and promised himself it had nothing to do with Marlene.

"I have to go over to my partner. Sorry, Evan."

Their eyes met, but he didn't really see regret in her eyes. It looked more like pity.

For the rest of the class, Evan tried to dig his hands deeper into the dirt, literally trying to bury his problems.

It didn't help; his eyes still strayed over to her, while hers strayed to Black.

The greenhouse, with its structure of glass, didn't seem a comfort any longer. Before, it had been like outside and inside living in harmony, as if there was no distinction between them, only a thin barrier to protect the precious plants within.

He finally managed to tear his eyes off Marlene, and they landed on Hogwarts instead.

* * *

It was strange how the grounds looked at night-Shadows playing against a vast landscape stretching far and wide. The windowsill on the west side of the third floor had become a refuge for Evan, but his peers had never understood it. He found it even more interesting when it started to rain. The water distorted what he had seen before, making it hard to remember how the shadows of clouds rolling overhead had played with the shapes of shadows from trees and Hogwarts.

"Are you bored or something?"

Evan turned around slightly, still hiding most of his face, and saw Mulciber staring at him curiously.

"No, why would you think that?"

"You're just sitting still, staring out of a window."

Evan sighed. "Did you want something?"

"I need help with the Potions assignment." Evan had shown himself to be a bright student early on. He had hoped it would gain him respect from his father, but it had only brought pilfering 'friends' looking for someone to copy off. Apparently, even straight O's across the board didn't mean he had stopped being a disappointment. Nothing was ever good enough for his father.

He clenched his jaw and looked out of the window again. "I'm busy."

"But-"

"Look, can't you go ask Severus or something?"

"He's a half-blood," Mulciber said like it explained everything. Usually, Evan would agree with him. Yet, for some reason, Evan and Severus had become friends. Evan was one of the very few Slytherins that stood up for him after Lucius Malfoy had left. The Malfoy heir had seen something in him and had taken him under his wing, and when Malfoy left school, Severus had, again, become a black sheep among wolves. Evan was just starting to change that opinion by forcing Severus and their peers to collaborate.

"It's either his help or explaining to your father why you failed the class, again."

Mulciber grumbled, but he left Evan to continue staring out the window in peace.

Much later, when he heard footsteps behind him again, he half expected it to be another one of his peers trying to wrangle his help on a stupid essay.

"Evan." She sounded breathless. Shivers ran down his spine. He wanted to turn, but then she would see the one thing he had managed to keep from her all this time.

"Marlene," he responded, still staring out of the window, the rain pounding on the window like a rapid drum.

"How are you?" She walked closer to him, to where he sat at the window.

"Good." He gulped. "How are you?"

"I'm good."

He thought she would move away, but she stayed. Close by, heat emanated off her. He could feel it; just the sight of her was enough to dispel most of the cold that had wrapped around his heart.

What else could he say? He desperately tried to think of something to say, to keep her close by for longer.

"Did you finish that potions essay?" he tried, hoping she didn't think he was stupid to ask.

"Why won't you look at me?" She asked, instead of answering his question.

He didn't answer.

"Is it because of what I did? I thought we could still be friends!"

She turned to leave, and he knew she was crying.

He grabbed her arm before she could run and turned towards her. "Marlene, wait."

When she saw his face, she gasped. "You're one of his followers now, aren't you?"

"What?"

"Your face."

"That wasn't-"

"Don't lie to me, Evan, I know you too well."

"It wasn't them-"

She took his hand to wrench his sleeve up, but he managed to stop her. He didn't want her to see the marks of abuse there; they were even worse than the ones on his face. "I thought you were better than this," she said. She mistook his actions, thinking he hid the Dark Lord's mark.

"Please, Marlene-"

"No, I can't believe you would do something so stupid! And then you lied to me about it?"

She strode away before he could tell her it wasn't the Dark Lord, it was his own personal master. The one that would never let him be, the one that would kill him for his weakness. The one he hadn't chosen but had been born to obey.

* * *

 _What's in a name..._

Beatings.

He couldn't live up to the name, and his father always found something lacking in him.

His name was a curse. He was born to bear the name and suffer because it was great. When did anything good not come at a price?

His father had left him on the floor in his own bedroom. Barely breathing, he was too weak to crawl into his bed. He was too weak to even reach out and touch it, even though it was within reach.

The room had grandeur, but no windows. Maybe that's why he liked the Greenhouses so much. No grandeur; instead you had open space to be free, to be yourself.

* * *

Like many times before, Evan took off from the Quidditch pitch and flew towards Hogwarts. He often did this when he was bored, flying between towers and chasing shadows.

Eye level with him, through a window, he saw her. What broke his heart and almost made him plummet to the ground was the man she was with.

Sirius Black, the man that had chosen light when he should have chosen the shadows, his opposite.

Of course, the sight of them together wasn't new, but this time, they embraced and kissed like no one was watching. Hidden away in a secluded corner of the castle, they thought their secret was safe. With a heavy heart, Evan flew away and landed not far from the entrance to Hogwarts.

As he looked up at the impressive Castle, he didn't feel comforted like he usually was. The structure seemed like an enemy to him.

* * *

It wasn't his usual hangout, but something in him had called out to the stars. When he had finally gotten up all the steps to the Astronomy Tower, he found the sky full of clouds. He should have looked out of a window before scaling the steps.

Evan didn't like it here. A roof held up by thick pillars might be aesthetically pleasing, but to him, there was something unnatural about a structure without windows. It was like the outside was inside, everything exposed, open, revealed, while at the same time, it pretended to be normal.

"Evan, why did you do it?"

He turned around and saw Marlene standing on the other side of the room. She hugged herself, to prevent the cold from the wind getting to her. He thought she looked wild with the way her hair moved in the wind.

"Why did I do what?" It must have been a year since they last talked, around the time he had seen her embracing a blood-traitor. Even if the McKinnons weren't considered on the same side as the Rosiers, he still considered her different.

"Join him," she said, her eyes shining with something, concern maybe.

"I'm a Rosier," Evan said. "What about that don't you get?"

"Why it means you have to hurt other people."

It was like a dull blade against his pulse, close to damaging him, threatening to kill him. For some reason, those words spilling from her lips made him think about how the strong would always hurt the weak, like his father had hurt him.

"You wouldn't understand," he answered after a long stretch of silence.

"I guess not." They both looked out at the wind tearing at the trees far away, exposed and vulnerable. Then their eyes met, and all those moments of laughter in their childhood seemed to fade away. In their childhood, a fence had separated them, Marlene had been brave enough to scale it to find what was on the other side. Now the fence had become too big for either of them to scale, both unwilling to face it.

Evan looked away first and turned away. Marlene sighed before she left. Her footsteps echoing and matching the beat of Evan's heart as he felt it break a little more.

* * *

He stared at where the windows were supposed to be. The house had been abandoned a long time ago, and now there were planks in place of windows. The planks were supposed to separate the outside and inside, but they were doing a rather poor job.

The room was so quiet, Evan could hear the steady ticking of his wrist watch. They were supposed to meet at four o'clock, and Evan was annoyed at Severus for not being able to keep the time.

The clock hit half-past four before Severus finally showed up.

When he heard the approaching footsteps, he said, "Why here?"

Severus scoffed. "What? Were we supposed to meet at my place, or yours?"

His words alluded to the reason they had become friends rather than mere acquaintances. Both had similar childhoods. Severus grew up loving Lily; Evan grew up loving Marlene. Both girls were stolen by Purebloods who stood in the light. And here they were, hiding in the shadows. It was easier to pretend you couldn't see bruises in the dim light after all.

"Some Purebloods deserve to die," Evan remarked after they had been sitting silently for a while. It was often like this with them. No one understood their strange friendship. Neither of them really spoke and both looked rather bored most of the time. One of them had a name to protect, the other a name to run from. They were opposites that seemed too similar to get along.

"I agree," Severus responded.

Evan looked up at him in surprise. He hadn't realized he had spoken the words out loud.

"Some Purebloods aren't worthy of their name," Severus continued. His eyes had a strange gleam to them. Evan could pretend it was just from the sliver of light — coming from the planks pretending to be a window — casting shadows over his face. The only thing lit in his face was his eyes.

The truth had a different ring to it. Severus hated James Potter with vehemence, to the point where he was willing to sacrifice everything just to see the other man miserable. It was an obsession that Evan thought would end him.

"You are worthy of the Half-blood Prince title, though, right?" Evan joked. Severus couldn't help but laugh at the insult, the solemn air momentarily forgotten. They stayed in the old shack until late in the evening, neither talking about what waited for them back home. Both of them hoped that today might be when the Dark Lord would call them in. It was the only reason they had gone home for the holiday; staying at Hogwarts made it difficult to appear at his side when they got the call.

Once again, the day ended without that solace. And with a shared look of desperation, they rose and went home to face their abusive fathers.

* * *

"Evan!" Marlene called out, and he turned to look at her. She moved away from the Marauders, Sirius staring lovingly after her.

Evan's friends shuffled off, Marlene dispelling them like a dog separating sheep. The sun glared at him, blinding him slightly by its reflection off the windows. For a moment, Marlene was surrounded by brilliant light. Evan tried not to see it as a sign, but it was hard not to.

"Marlene." He hoped it didn't sound hopeful, that he managed to mask what was underneath.

She smiled at him when she had finally caught up with him. This smile was a faded version of the one from their childhood. It was pale in comparison to what adorned her face when she looked at Sirius Black.

"You can always change your mind," she said.

Evan remembered their last conversation now, the one up in the Astronomy tower. For some reason, she must have forgotten it.

"It's not that simple."

"It is."

"I'm a monster."

"You're not," she said, but it was half-hearted, and she looked away to try and hide the truth.

"You were right to stay away from me." Her bright blue eyes looked up at him, surprise evident as the sun made them glint like the windows of the building behind her.

Eyes were the windows to the soul. Now, both Marlene and Hogwarts would fade to become memories of a childhood he needed to leave behind. He walked away without another word, knowing she would have a good life. One without him.

Walking away wasn't hard when you left them with a life you could never have. A life you could never give them.

He just hoped Sirius Black was man enough to let Marlene into his heart, his mind, and his soul.

* * *

He was in a field. It was a stupid place to be if he was honest with himself. It was open and exposed and he was sure to be captured here.

Maybe that was why he had gone there? For a place without windows to tell a different story.

Marlene had died ages ago, her house burned down by the Dark Lord himself. Severus had turned traitor just before their master fell. At first, he had thought Severus had pulled away because he was afraid. Like Evan, he was afraid he was turning into his father. When his only true friend had easily escaped Azkaban, the doubt had been washed away.

 _"Some Purebloods aren't worthy of their name."_

Evan wasn't going to rot away in Azkaban. He had decided long ago; it was better to die than continue living as a shadow.

"Evan Rosier!"

He turned around and saw Auror Moody coming towards him, wand raised. Evan smiled. His name would be synonymous with a brave Slytherin.


End file.
